I need botox in my cheeks to stop the plastered on cheesy grins that appear when I see him. Its getting beyond a joke.
(Yuh that really is me)
Monday, July 31, 2006
Jesus
I need botox in my cheeks to stop the plastered on cheesy grins that appear when I see him. Its getting beyond a joke.
Sad
Came back from a meeting there to an email from Bellend telling me that one of the contractor's has had a heart attack up at the compound.
The site Emergency Response Team and an ambulance got called for him. He'll be in hospital by now.
I hope he's ok, he's a really nice man.
The site Emergency Response Team and an ambulance got called for him. He'll be in hospital by now.
I hope he's ok, he's a really nice man.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Coincidink?
Last night I dreamt I had 3 flat tyres.
This morning I drive over to my mums. Find the drive over very strange, I drive a lot of the time with no hands on the wheel and Dave just tends to drive himself but today he wasnt playing with me.
Turns out I have a flat tyre.
I guess it would be more spooky if I had 3 flat tyres. Although I wouldnt put that down to spookiness, I would put that down to sabotage on my tyres.
Got myself some Elton John sunglasses. I look sooo like Elton John in them its uncanny. I can see them going back.
Got myself another pair at the same time. I think they may be men's. I can see them going back too.
Roll on November 3rd when good old Scottish weather is due for its comeback!
This morning I drive over to my mums. Find the drive over very strange, I drive a lot of the time with no hands on the wheel and Dave just tends to drive himself but today he wasnt playing with me.
Turns out I have a flat tyre.
I guess it would be more spooky if I had 3 flat tyres. Although I wouldnt put that down to spookiness, I would put that down to sabotage on my tyres.
Got myself some Elton John sunglasses. I look sooo like Elton John in them its uncanny. I can see them going back.
Got myself another pair at the same time. I think they may be men's. I can see them going back too.
Roll on November 3rd when good old Scottish weather is due for its comeback!
Friday, July 28, 2006
Down With Podge!
I hereby officially declare that I am not eating another morsel until I have lost 9lbs.
Am going for a big mug of healthy, yet fat free water now.
Down With Podge!
Not even fruit! (burnt roof of mouth on a too hot pizza last night so it hurts to eat anyway).
Amen.
Am going for a big mug of healthy, yet fat free water now.
Down With Podge!
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Get On With It!
If I got my head down and did some work I could probably have tomorrow off. And next week if I was feeling brave enough to ask. But for some reason I am finding it completely impossible to do anything. I swear I havent finished a single thing since yesterday.
I'm so fecked off right now, I just want to scream at everyone to feck off and leave me alone.
Am now hatching a plan to go up to Aucterarder this weekend to get out of the stupid engagement party. God why do people hold these horrible self indulgent events. Dont they realise that they just cost other people time, hassle and money!!! This is the most selfish thing but since I know I will NEVER be getting married or engaged I really begrudge having to waste my time attending these things when I know I wont be expecting the same back. Especially for strangers!! Obviously if it was a good friend or close relative that's a different story, you can have a real ball and enjoy yourself but this friend of a friend, and so-and-so from work, blah blah blah, forget it.
My work email is broken so you'd think that would gee me on a bit to get some work done...but nope. And now I think I've broken Hotmail....but I'm still doing anything but work. Feckin cowbag Alison has just landed me with something too.
Oh to win the lottery and get away from all this shit.
I'm so fecked off right now, I just want to scream at everyone to feck off and leave me alone.
Am now hatching a plan to go up to Aucterarder this weekend to get out of the stupid engagement party. God why do people hold these horrible self indulgent events. Dont they realise that they just cost other people time, hassle and money!!! This is the most selfish thing but since I know I will NEVER be getting married or engaged I really begrudge having to waste my time attending these things when I know I wont be expecting the same back. Especially for strangers!! Obviously if it was a good friend or close relative that's a different story, you can have a real ball and enjoy yourself but this friend of a friend, and so-and-so from work, blah blah blah, forget it.
My work email is broken so you'd think that would gee me on a bit to get some work done...but nope. And now I think I've broken Hotmail....but I'm still doing anything but work. Feckin cowbag Alison has just landed me with something too.
Oh to win the lottery and get away from all this shit.
I HATE SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS!
I am so fecked off.
Now been roped into going to some stupid engagement party on Saturday for someone who used to work in Leanne's work. Feck sake, just tell them you aint going.
I felt like saying "I'll go to that if I can ditch the hen night and the wedding". There's still no venue for the hen night anyway and I think its in 2 weeks time. Maybe 3. Bought a "sorry I cant go to your wedding" card, and told her that I couldnt go alone so think that one's sorted. I will get very drunk before the hen night and that will be that one sorted.
Anyway I have a plan for the stupid engagement party. Am going to stand outside smoking all night. And that's that one sorted!
I may be alone here but there is nothing I hate more than going to some event where I dont know anybody. Its horrible! I hate the feeling of dread I get in the run up to it and I hate the feeling of sheer boredom when I get there. Especially if its older people and they're yakking in my ear about their bloody kids or their other halves. I couldnt give a flying feck about somebody's screaming brat or their boring old fart of a husband. I generally spend as much time as I can in the loo texting anyone I can think of (except Kerry as she is Billy-No-Texts). But now we have that lovely new law that sends smokers outside, its a gift from the heavens!
I can see myself becoming a chain smoker.
Now been roped into going to some stupid engagement party on Saturday for someone who used to work in Leanne's work. Feck sake, just tell them you aint going.
I felt like saying "I'll go to that if I can ditch the hen night and the wedding". There's still no venue for the hen night anyway and I think its in 2 weeks time. Maybe 3. Bought a "sorry I cant go to your wedding" card, and told her that I couldnt go alone so think that one's sorted. I will get very drunk before the hen night and that will be that one sorted.
Anyway I have a plan for the stupid engagement party. Am going to stand outside smoking all night. And that's that one sorted!
I may be alone here but there is nothing I hate more than going to some event where I dont know anybody. Its horrible! I hate the feeling of dread I get in the run up to it and I hate the feeling of sheer boredom when I get there. Especially if its older people and they're yakking in my ear about their bloody kids or their other halves. I couldnt give a flying feck about somebody's screaming brat or their boring old fart of a husband. I generally spend as much time as I can in the loo texting anyone I can think of (except Kerry as she is Billy-No-Texts). But now we have that lovely new law that sends smokers outside, its a gift from the heavens!
I can see myself becoming a chain smoker.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Ho hum
I am so feckin bored in this place.
Everyone has either gone quiet or ignoring me. So guess who I'm thinking bout emailing to keep me entertained? Christ I could scream with boredom. Mind you, if you've just sat and read thru this blog you probably feel much the same!!
Grrreat and here is Knob. Bloody hate this man. Evil if this sounds, I wouldnt miss him if I never saw him again. Not one little bit. Feckin stinker.
Right am off to email Bellend. Nowt else to do.
Everyone has either gone quiet or ignoring me. So guess who I'm thinking bout emailing to keep me entertained? Christ I could scream with boredom. Mind you, if you've just sat and read thru this blog you probably feel much the same!!
Grrreat and here is Knob. Bloody hate this man. Evil if this sounds, I wouldnt miss him if I never saw him again. Not one little bit. Feckin stinker.
Right am off to email Bellend. Nowt else to do.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Photeees
This pic was taken at roughly half 6 PM!!! The sea felt sooo cooling under the hot sun, it was gorgeous. 
Our police escort
Ayr Beach
Troon Beach (if you look closely you might see the horses galloping in the sea - four legged horses, not sea horses)
Monday, July 24, 2006
Dagnammit
Crapbuckets.
Took a day off work tomorrow cos the BBC website had a full sunshine predicted.
The full sunshine is now a big cloud with a tiny sunshine peeking out from behind it!
Took a day off work tomorrow cos the BBC website had a full sunshine predicted.
The full sunshine is now a big cloud with a tiny sunshine peeking out from behind it!
Balls
Well I got caught in the kitchen. Big cheesy grin plastered alllll over my mug. Have not replied to his email tho, go me indeed.
Seriously, need to do some work, have new manager and he is loading me up.
Seriously, need to do some work, have new manager and he is loading me up.
I Can and I Will Goddammit!
Do sit at other computer so your back is facing the corridor
Do vanish to the loo if you hear the voice
Do be cool and calm if he catches you unawares (as back will be facing corridor you will be unable to see him coming).
Do email Louise the second you feel the urge to contact him in any way, shape or form (allowances are made for work related issues, however phoning him for the manhours is a bit of a grey area)
Do remember to ask for tomorrow (Tuesday) off. Its a full sunshine - make the most of it.
Do have Voodoo Child on repeat in Dave the whole way in and the whole way home, Voodoo Child makes you happy. You want to stay happy.
Do Not ask him how his bloody holiday went
Do Not set the big cheesy grin on your face the minute you see him (this will be a real test, ideally you should be in toilet before he sees you anyway)
Do Not under any circumstances email him before he emails you. You have done amazingly well not texting him for well over 2 weeks (maybe 3!). Do not ruin it all by sending an email.
Do Not reply to any email he sends for at least 2 hours. A whole day would be lovely but not realistic. Altho you will be very busy clearing everything up for the full sunshine day off (you have a list as long as your arm cos of all the skiving last Thur & Fri - get on with it!!)
Do Not give him your mobile number - if he claims to have lost it then TOUGH. If he wanted your number he would have made a note of it. He's got a brain.
Right go me! Grrrrr yeah baby!!!
Oooooh how scary I can hear a moth (or a bird?) banging on my window cos I have the light on. Must go to sleep now.
Do vanish to the loo if you hear the voice
Do be cool and calm if he catches you unawares (as back will be facing corridor you will be unable to see him coming).
Do email Louise the second you feel the urge to contact him in any way, shape or form (allowances are made for work related issues, however phoning him for the manhours is a bit of a grey area)
Do remember to ask for tomorrow (Tuesday) off. Its a full sunshine - make the most of it.
Do have Voodoo Child on repeat in Dave the whole way in and the whole way home, Voodoo Child makes you happy. You want to stay happy.
Do Not ask him how his bloody holiday went
Do Not set the big cheesy grin on your face the minute you see him (this will be a real test, ideally you should be in toilet before he sees you anyway)
Do Not under any circumstances email him before he emails you. You have done amazingly well not texting him for well over 2 weeks (maybe 3!). Do not ruin it all by sending an email.
Do Not reply to any email he sends for at least 2 hours. A whole day would be lovely but not realistic. Altho you will be very busy clearing everything up for the full sunshine day off (you have a list as long as your arm cos of all the skiving last Thur & Fri - get on with it!!)
Do Not give him your mobile number - if he claims to have lost it then TOUGH. If he wanted your number he would have made a note of it. He's got a brain.
Right go me! Grrrrr yeah baby!!!
Oooooh how scary I can hear a moth (or a bird?) banging on my window cos I have the light on. Must go to sleep now.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
I am rubbish!
This is why I should NOT speak to children.
Below is a conversation between my friend's daughter and myself on MSN. My friend has just told me one of her cats died over the weekend:
Friend's Daughter says:
hello
Kirsty says:
hello again! sorry to hear about Garp...how is your other cat?
Friend's Daughter says:
she died last year while steven was away
Kirsty says:
omg sorry i thot it was your gran's dog when he was away last time. are you ok?
Am I thick or do I just have a rilly rilly short memory.....you decide!!
[Note to self: when discussing the death of a loved one, be it man or cat, do not bring up other deaths whilst they are still grieving over the current death!!!]
Below is a conversation between my friend's daughter and myself on MSN. My friend has just told me one of her cats died over the weekend:
Friend's Daughter says:
hello
Kirsty says:
hello again! sorry to hear about Garp...how is your other cat?
Friend's Daughter says:
she died last year while steven was away
Kirsty says:
omg sorry i thot it was your gran's dog when he was away last time. are you ok?
Am I thick or do I just have a rilly rilly short memory.....you decide!!
[Note to self: when discussing the death of a loved one, be it man or cat, do not bring up other deaths whilst they are still grieving over the current death!!!]
Friday, July 21, 2006
For Kerry
It wont let me paste the instructions on here, it converts it into websitey stuff.
Just email me when you're online and I'll email you them.
Got the photos back from Wednesday, they are horrendous. Absolutely horrendous. So bad I almost bought a pack of 10 marlboro lights man I'm grotesque, its frightening.
Anyway if I dont catch you have a nice weekend.
Just email me when you're online and I'll email you them.
Got the photos back from Wednesday, they are horrendous. Absolutely horrendous. So bad I almost bought a pack of 10 marlboro lights man I'm grotesque, its frightening.
Anyway if I dont catch you have a nice weekend.
Calm Down Calm Down
I wonder what time his flight gets in! Am soooooo excited!!!!!!!
Ooooh McLarry just brought me chocolate & banana loaf and a bottle of cherry diet coke, eeeeeeevil (but hubba hubba!!!)
Its Friday Baaaaaby!
Lalalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaa its Friday again!!!!!!!
He's back on the island today! Back in here on Monday! If I didnt have James in the car I would take next week off just to avoid him.....dont ask, I'm weird like that. What a palaver it is having people in your car.
OMG men stink, I hate having to walk by the loos to get in here, and then every time someone opens the door to the office the smell wafts back in. Load of mingers. Actually I know who it is that stinks the place out all the time. He makes no secret of the fact as he takes a magazine in with him. I think he's quite proud of it actually....."look at me, I man, I take big dump and read the Process Engineering magazine (I know I know!) magazine while I do it, oooh caveman". Unfortunately I know his wife, and she is the caveman in that relationship let me tell you!
Diet is not going so well. I had a bagel with melted cheese and chutney last night. Then another bagel with melted cheese and tomato. Oh and half a tub of Pringles that were left over from my wee day out at the beach. I dont think the diet of fruit was working....lets just say I havent been waving a Process Engineering magazine on my way through the office!
Found the most stunning bikini for Kerry's holiday, honest she will look a million dollars in it. Gavin will not be able to keep his eyes off her. She will be the belle of the beach!
He's back on the island today! Back in here on Monday! If I didnt have James in the car I would take next week off just to avoid him.....dont ask, I'm weird like that. What a palaver it is having people in your car.
OMG men stink, I hate having to walk by the loos to get in here, and then every time someone opens the door to the office the smell wafts back in. Load of mingers. Actually I know who it is that stinks the place out all the time. He makes no secret of the fact as he takes a magazine in with him. I think he's quite proud of it actually....."look at me, I man, I take big dump and read the Process Engineering magazine (I know I know!) magazine while I do it, oooh caveman". Unfortunately I know his wife, and she is the caveman in that relationship let me tell you!
Diet is not going so well. I had a bagel with melted cheese and chutney last night. Then another bagel with melted cheese and tomato. Oh and half a tub of Pringles that were left over from my wee day out at the beach. I dont think the diet of fruit was working....lets just say I havent been waving a Process Engineering magazine on my way through the office!
Found the most stunning bikini for Kerry's holiday, honest she will look a million dollars in it. Gavin will not be able to keep his eyes off her. She will be the belle of the beach!
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Uccchhhh
I am so fed up.
Cant even be arsed going to get something for my lunch. As usual I dont have any cash on me so I would have to go to Tesco if I wanted something.
Cant be arsed eating.
Cant be arsed working.
Cant be arsed just being!!!!
I need some more days off! Every day would be nice.
Cant even be arsed going to get something for my lunch. As usual I dont have any cash on me so I would have to go to Tesco if I wanted something.
Cant be arsed eating.
Cant be arsed working.
Cant be arsed just being!!!!
I need some more days off! Every day would be nice.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Lush
Beach was gorgeous today. Went to Troon but there was lots of shells and jaggy things on the sand so went for lunch, then a long drive cos it was really really really hot.
Went to Ayr beach at the back of 5 til about 7! Just lay there in the hot sun then went paddling and some more lying in the hot sun. Oh and some more paddling!
We bought a wee disposal camera, the photos are going to be hilarious hahaha.
Dont think I caught any sun cos we didnt really sunbathe. And I aint feelin the burn!
I nearly killed us by driving up a road the wrong way onto oncoming traffic. Was a bit traumatic but still here to tell the tale. If the traffic hadn't all started tooting me I wouldnt have been so traumatised. In my defence there are NO signs in Ayr that say Glasgow! I have no idea how James and I got home the last time.
Just ate the hugest dinner (all fruit so there!) and now cant move.
Am thinking about booking a holiday and just going myself! Just bimble down to the beach every day and read my books. I can see me getting as far as Glasgow Airport then changing my mind and getting a taxi home tho. I am thinking about it.
Went to Ayr beach at the back of 5 til about 7! Just lay there in the hot sun then went paddling and some more lying in the hot sun. Oh and some more paddling!
We bought a wee disposal camera, the photos are going to be hilarious hahaha.
Dont think I caught any sun cos we didnt really sunbathe. And I aint feelin the burn!
I nearly killed us by driving up a road the wrong way onto oncoming traffic. Was a bit traumatic but still here to tell the tale. If the traffic hadn't all started tooting me I wouldnt have been so traumatised. In my defence there are NO signs in Ayr that say Glasgow! I have no idea how James and I got home the last time.
Just ate the hugest dinner (all fruit so there!) and now cant move.
Am thinking about booking a holiday and just going myself! Just bimble down to the beach every day and read my books. I can see me getting as far as Glasgow Airport then changing my mind and getting a taxi home tho. I am thinking about it.
OMFG
Just put my favourite bikini bottoms in microwave to dry them off.
They melted!!!!!!!!!!
I'm absolutely gutted, the elastic must have got too hot and melted the material.
Absolutely gutted!!!
They melted!!!!!!!!!!
I'm absolutely gutted, the elastic must have got too hot and melted the material.
Absolutely gutted!!!
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Dial 999!!
I am having a complete curltastrophe!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so bloody hot that the minute I straighten one section of hair, another section has gone curly, omg i am GOING TO GO MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so bloody hot that the minute I straighten one section of hair, another section has gone curly, omg i am GOING TO GO MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bitchin!
Kelly Clarkson ROCKS!
Nothin gets me going like a wee singalong to Gone (not 'Since You've Been Gone' altho I love that one too).
Nothin gets me going like a wee singalong to Gone (not 'Since You've Been Gone' altho I love that one too).
Monday, July 17, 2006
Hmpht
After 3 days of trying to decide whether to shop or sunbathe on my days off, I finally came to a decision....sunbathe during the day and shop at night! Genius thinks I.
But just as I'm putting on my wee summer outfit, stupid clouds come out. Now I dont know whether to wait or just hit the town.
Dum di dum di dum.
Tomorrow is going to be 31 degrees!!!!!!!!!! And Wednesday is going to be 29 degrees. I'm taking Sen Man out for a wee run on Wednesday, she's told me she will not be wearing a bikini no matter what! Think she's traumatised cos I told her I had my bikini on in my mum's back garden hahahaha.
If we're going to the beach I will most definitely be wearing bikini!!! (I only reveal the top tho, I would never inflict my arse on her).
Went to the big new Tesco yesterday and bought hunners of fruit & veg. Been living off strawberries and that plain yoghurt stuff. Hopefully will lose a bit of weight this week. Especially as I've been dripping like a Mivvi since the hot weather. Am thinking of ditching the cherry diet coke, how can it be so nice but not fattening? If there's no sugar in it, then there must be loads of sweetener in it. Obviousy there is, I dont know why I'm questioning it. Sometimes I wonder if you're better off with sugar than sweetener. Sugar is a natural resource whereas sweetener....gawd knows what that's made of.
Yeah am thinking for a few weeks I should definitely just drink water, only prob is I bought 8 litres of cherry diet coke in Tesco. I can keep it as a treat I guess. Water, cold meat or tuna salads (not tuna mayo!!!), and strawberries for me! Also have bananas and a melon. So far so good. I have nothing fattening or bad in the house (apart from cherry diet coke) so I cant possibly be bad!! So next time I'm caught red handed raiding the fridge I will be nibbling at strawberries & lettuce!!!
Bellend is back on the island in 4 days!!!! And back at work in 7 days. Dont even know how I feel about it anymore.
Oooh got my new name necklace today. Now if I ever forget who I am I can just ask someone to read my neck. Genius.
Ok I have now wasted half a day of my holiday. Must switch laptop off!
But just as I'm putting on my wee summer outfit, stupid clouds come out. Now I dont know whether to wait or just hit the town.
Dum di dum di dum.
Tomorrow is going to be 31 degrees!!!!!!!!!! And Wednesday is going to be 29 degrees. I'm taking Sen Man out for a wee run on Wednesday, she's told me she will not be wearing a bikini no matter what! Think she's traumatised cos I told her I had my bikini on in my mum's back garden hahahaha.
If we're going to the beach I will most definitely be wearing bikini!!! (I only reveal the top tho, I would never inflict my arse on her).
Went to the big new Tesco yesterday and bought hunners of fruit & veg. Been living off strawberries and that plain yoghurt stuff. Hopefully will lose a bit of weight this week. Especially as I've been dripping like a Mivvi since the hot weather. Am thinking of ditching the cherry diet coke, how can it be so nice but not fattening? If there's no sugar in it, then there must be loads of sweetener in it. Obviousy there is, I dont know why I'm questioning it. Sometimes I wonder if you're better off with sugar than sweetener. Sugar is a natural resource whereas sweetener....gawd knows what that's made of.
Yeah am thinking for a few weeks I should definitely just drink water, only prob is I bought 8 litres of cherry diet coke in Tesco. I can keep it as a treat I guess. Water, cold meat or tuna salads (not tuna mayo!!!), and strawberries for me! Also have bananas and a melon. So far so good. I have nothing fattening or bad in the house (apart from cherry diet coke) so I cant possibly be bad!! So next time I'm caught red handed raiding the fridge I will be nibbling at strawberries & lettuce!!!Bellend is back on the island in 4 days!!!! And back at work in 7 days. Dont even know how I feel about it anymore.
Oooh got my new name necklace today. Now if I ever forget who I am I can just ask someone to read my neck. Genius.
Ok I have now wasted half a day of my holiday. Must switch laptop off!
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Hate being me
So not only did I spend the best part of the afternoon looking through my wardrobe for something to wear that wouldnt have people turning away in disgust at the sight of me, I have just spent roughly two hours online trying to find something to wear to Alison's hen night.
I hate my body, I hate my (non) sense of style, I hate my wonky eyes, I hate my height, I hate my face, I hate my hair, I hate my profile, I hate my bingo wings, I hate my disgusting legs, I hate my nose, I hate my lips, I hate my mangled old feet, I hate looking like a cabbage patch doll (and that is an insult to cabbage patch dolls let me tell you), I hate every millimetre of myself. Am thinking tomorrow I'll go up town at the crack of dawn then work my way back to Braehead, but whats the point?
If I cant even find a casual top to wear how am I going to find something to wear for a nice night out?
I would give anything to get out of this and I would give even more to get out of the wedding which tbh I dont reasonably think I can go to anyway.
You are probably thinking "why is she moaning about this, she should do something to rectify it". I am thinking the same thing.
But I dont know where to start. The daft DVD I bought sure as hell isnt going to work miracles. I dont think it would make any difference if I did it morning noon and night for 3 years never mind 3 weeks.
I guess I could buy something and try and slim into it but we all know what the outcome of that would be. Another garment that lies in my wardrobe for years with the tags still on.
And to make matters worse, the sales are on just now.
I hate the sales.
I hate the racks that are loaded up with crap that you never ever seen out on the shop floor during non-sale time. I hate the obnoxious people who dont let you look at anything and take up a whole section just so they can get a fiver off some crappy nylon top that they will probably never wear anyway. I hate that I can never ever find anything, reduced or not during the sales.
So there you have it, I absolutely detest myself and everything about me. If I could afford a nose job, a boob job, an eye lift, a facial peel, a fake tan every fortnight, a pedicure, a manicure, a personal shopper and a new wardrobe every month I would maybe be happier.
But then again, maybe I wouldnt. I will never know!
Right am away to fester in my own self pity. Saturday night eh!
I hate my body, I hate my (non) sense of style, I hate my wonky eyes, I hate my height, I hate my face, I hate my hair, I hate my profile, I hate my bingo wings, I hate my disgusting legs, I hate my nose, I hate my lips, I hate my mangled old feet, I hate looking like a cabbage patch doll (and that is an insult to cabbage patch dolls let me tell you), I hate every millimetre of myself. Am thinking tomorrow I'll go up town at the crack of dawn then work my way back to Braehead, but whats the point? If I cant even find a casual top to wear how am I going to find something to wear for a nice night out?
I would give anything to get out of this and I would give even more to get out of the wedding which tbh I dont reasonably think I can go to anyway.
You are probably thinking "why is she moaning about this, she should do something to rectify it". I am thinking the same thing.
But I dont know where to start. The daft DVD I bought sure as hell isnt going to work miracles. I dont think it would make any difference if I did it morning noon and night for 3 years never mind 3 weeks.
I guess I could buy something and try and slim into it but we all know what the outcome of that would be. Another garment that lies in my wardrobe for years with the tags still on.
And to make matters worse, the sales are on just now.
I hate the sales.
I hate the racks that are loaded up with crap that you never ever seen out on the shop floor during non-sale time. I hate the obnoxious people who dont let you look at anything and take up a whole section just so they can get a fiver off some crappy nylon top that they will probably never wear anyway. I hate that I can never ever find anything, reduced or not during the sales.
So there you have it, I absolutely detest myself and everything about me. If I could afford a nose job, a boob job, an eye lift, a facial peel, a fake tan every fortnight, a pedicure, a manicure, a personal shopper and a new wardrobe every month I would maybe be happier.
But then again, maybe I wouldnt. I will never know!
Right am away to fester in my own self pity. Saturday night eh!
Topsy Turvy
OMG am slightly traumatised, just managed to do something very odd to my lappy. Everything on the monitor rotated itself and i had to turn the lappy 90 degrees clockwise to turn everything the right way up.
Managed to sort it but it was harrowing for a while there.
OMG OMG I just answered phone "Goood morning" is a mega work stylee. Think I need to return to bed for a while.
Am just back from post office tho and omg its lush out there, I wanna go to beaaaach!!!!
Managed to sort it but it was harrowing for a while there.
OMG OMG I just answered phone "Goood morning" is a mega work stylee. Think I need to return to bed for a while.
Am just back from post office tho and omg its lush out there, I wanna go to beaaaach!!!!
Friday, July 14, 2006
That's Big Brother Finished Then
Shocker! Nicky's out!
Spose I'll need to watch Love Island then cos Big Brother was already boring and now she's gone.......watching paint dry would definitely be more interesting.
Spose I'll need to watch Love Island then cos Big Brother was already boring and now she's gone.......watching paint dry would definitely be more interesting.
No help from the audience please!
Before proceeding with the quiz, please note the following:
(i) Answers are non-negotiable. The answers I have are the only answers I will accept no matter what.
(ii) The judge's decision is final. I am the judge.
You may begin:
1. What is the maximum length of time a snail can sleep for without food?
2. What is the best way of increasing the elasticity of an elastic band?
3. In which year did the Niagra Falls freeze completely?
4. Using ONE row on your keyboard, what is the longest word you can make?
5. Which is the most popular hour for London tube suicides?
6. Name a word in the English language that ends in the letters 'mt'
7. Which animal's eye is bigger than its brain?
8. What was the name of Caroline Fairlie's dog?
9. Which actor drinks his coffee with skimmed milk?
(i) Answers are non-negotiable. The answers I have are the only answers I will accept no matter what.
(ii) The judge's decision is final. I am the judge.
You may begin:
1. What is the maximum length of time a snail can sleep for without food?
2. What is the best way of increasing the elasticity of an elastic band?
3. In which year did the Niagra Falls freeze completely?
4. Using ONE row on your keyboard, what is the longest word you can make?
5. Which is the most popular hour for London tube suicides?
6. Name a word in the English language that ends in the letters 'mt'
7. Which animal's eye is bigger than its brain?
8. What was the name of Caroline Fairlie's dog?
9. Which actor drinks his coffee with skimmed milk?
Iiiiiiiiits Friiiiiday!!!!
I wish his sidekick would stop coming down and telling me that Bellend's emailed from the boat. I dont bloody care.
Couldnt be ersed washin hair last night so I look like a big powder puff, my hair's been saturated in Johnson Baby Powder.
Only 5.25 hours to go til the weekend baaaaby woohoo!!!
Couldnt be ersed washin hair last night so I look like a big powder puff, my hair's been saturated in Johnson Baby Powder.
Only 5.25 hours to go til the weekend baaaaby woohoo!!!
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Calm (Before the Storm?)
Am calm. I was only mad for a little while anyway. Which to me, speaks volumes.
Got a bloody ulcer on my tongue (Nikki styleee) and its interfering with my cherry diet coke love affair. I hope it isnt the cherry diet coke that's giving me the ulcers. I would have to get an intraveneous drip set up if that was the case.
Aisling from Big Bro is a hound!!!!! She doesnt get away with flipping bunches and as for the thong bikinis, omg!!!! NO NO NO.
I watched a wee bit of the Pump It Up exercise DVD tonight. Man downstairs was in so that's my excuse for not actually doing any of it. I feel I have inflicted enough misery on the man downstairs. I dont want to talk about that. Still cant bear to think about it and it happened 7 months ago. Definitely put me off drinking cocktails in the flat at 11am after that incident let me tell you.
Not much else happening, had my daily argument with James, today it was about my spare key for Dave. Turns out I was in the wrong. For a change heh heh.
Need to remember and pick Louise's brain about Alison's hen night. Hemingways is off the agenda, discovered tonight its a seafood restaurant. Yuck! I wonder if they would do a baked potato with tuna?
Got a bloody ulcer on my tongue (Nikki styleee) and its interfering with my cherry diet coke love affair. I hope it isnt the cherry diet coke that's giving me the ulcers. I would have to get an intraveneous drip set up if that was the case.
Aisling from Big Bro is a hound!!!!! She doesnt get away with flipping bunches and as for the thong bikinis, omg!!!! NO NO NO.
I watched a wee bit of the Pump It Up exercise DVD tonight. Man downstairs was in so that's my excuse for not actually doing any of it. I feel I have inflicted enough misery on the man downstairs. I dont want to talk about that. Still cant bear to think about it and it happened 7 months ago. Definitely put me off drinking cocktails in the flat at 11am after that incident let me tell you.
Not much else happening, had my daily argument with James, today it was about my spare key for Dave. Turns out I was in the wrong. For a change heh heh.
Need to remember and pick Louise's brain about Alison's hen night. Hemingways is off the agenda, discovered tonight its a seafood restaurant. Yuck! I wonder if they would do a baked potato with tuna?
F U M I N G !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SO YOU CAN FIND THE TIME TO GET YOUR ARSE TO THE CYBER CAFE AND EMAIL YOUR PALS IN WORK CAN YOU?
YOU FUCKIN KNOBBER.
I HATE YOU RIGHT NOW.
YOU FUCKIN KNOBBER.
I HATE YOU RIGHT NOW.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Update on "Classic James"
James the Fud has found his car key. He thinks it's his spare as it was found in a jacket pocket of a jacket he's not worn in a long time.
He's lucky we did not take a half day as planned tomorrow, he would have looked a right spanner when Renault got his boot opened only for him to NOT have a spare key in the boot.
I wonder how long it will take him to lose his now one and only car key.
Fud.
At least I wont have to get up at 5.50am tomorrow to go and get him!
Oooh speaking of cars I gave Dave a nice hoover and a dusting inside. Poor lil Dave, he was really bogging.
Now I just need to get his outside done.
One step at a time!!!
He's lucky we did not take a half day as planned tomorrow, he would have looked a right spanner when Renault got his boot opened only for him to NOT have a spare key in the boot.
I wonder how long it will take him to lose his now one and only car key.
Fud.
At least I wont have to get up at 5.50am tomorrow to go and get him!
Oooh speaking of cars I gave Dave a nice hoover and a dusting inside. Poor lil Dave, he was really bogging. Now I just need to get his outside done.
One step at a time!!!
Sad but true
A little rambling...a ramblette you might say?
Went to Tesco this morning under the excuse of "going to get milk for the office" hee hee.
I bought a nice new basin for my sink. I now have 3 basins for my sink. I love buying housey stuff. I really need to hold myself back otherwise I would have so much stuff I wouldnt be able to get my front door open. But its a real effort behaving myself let me tell you.
If I had my way I'd be buying a duvet cover for every day of the year.
I would love a new bed and mattress but I've only had my current one for a year. Would also love a little LCD telly for my bedroom with Freeview built in, but they're just too expensive at the moment, plus I'm still trying to decide whether I really want a telly in my bedroom when my living room is like 3 steps away.
Other thing I'd like to do is paint my bedroom a more girly colour. Why I listened to Bellend when he said "blue" I do not know. Dont get me wrong, I like my bedroom but I will never know what made me go with his suggestion. He's a boy for crying out loud, of course he's going to say blue!!!
OMG just seen myself in bathroom mirror, I look huuuuuuuge. Stupid tanktop. (Yeah I blame the tanktop, not the fact that I've just eaten a massive salad roll and a big fat scone dripping with strawberry jam!!!)
Next on the menu is an ice cold bottle of cherry diet coke, hubba hubba!
I bought a nice new basin for my sink. I now have 3 basins for my sink. I love buying housey stuff. I really need to hold myself back otherwise I would have so much stuff I wouldnt be able to get my front door open. But its a real effort behaving myself let me tell you.
If I had my way I'd be buying a duvet cover for every day of the year.
I would love a new bed and mattress but I've only had my current one for a year. Would also love a little LCD telly for my bedroom with Freeview built in, but they're just too expensive at the moment, plus I'm still trying to decide whether I really want a telly in my bedroom when my living room is like 3 steps away.
Other thing I'd like to do is paint my bedroom a more girly colour. Why I listened to Bellend when he said "blue" I do not know. Dont get me wrong, I like my bedroom but I will never know what made me go with his suggestion. He's a boy for crying out loud, of course he's going to say blue!!!
OMG just seen myself in bathroom mirror, I look huuuuuuuge. Stupid tanktop. (Yeah I blame the tanktop, not the fact that I've just eaten a massive salad roll and a big fat scone dripping with strawberry jam!!!)Next on the menu is an ice cold bottle of cherry diet coke, hubba hubba!
Monday, July 10, 2006
Classic James
James has lost his car key whilst drunk.
Guess where he keeps his spare?
Yip...in his car.
So guess who's the full time chauffeur again.
MUGGINS!!!!
Guess where he keeps his spare?
Yip...in his car.
So guess who's the full time chauffeur again.
MUGGINS!!!!
Hear Hear!!
Spare a thought for one of the secretaries in our Belgian office.
On receipt of an email from an excited Italian ("CAMPIONI DEL MONDO!!!!!!!!!!!! WORLD CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!") her response was "Fuck football".
Now, as much as I wholeheartedly agree with her sentiments, I certainly wouldnt share it with 34,999 colleagues.
It shut everyone up anyway.
I suspect her and Mr Excited Italian may have to slip a hard backed book down the backs of their trousers this morning.
On receipt of an email from an excited Italian ("CAMPIONI DEL MONDO!!!!!!!!!!!! WORLD CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!") her response was "Fuck football".
Now, as much as I wholeheartedly agree with her sentiments, I certainly wouldnt share it with 34,999 colleagues.
It shut everyone up anyway.
I suspect her and Mr Excited Italian may have to slip a hard backed book down the backs of their trousers this morning.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Fight, Fight, Fight!!!
Currently listening in on a argument that's spilled out of the pub downstairs. I love listening into these fights, its like a cross between River City & Big Brother that I can watch from the kitchen window.
From what I can make out (damn the cars driving past drowning out the shouting!!) this one seems to be between a mother and son. Sounds as tho she was showing his pals her knickers in the pub.
I can see why he'd be upset.
Perhaps she's a prostitute (the sort Wayne Rooney has a thing for) and was having a slow Sunday night.
I am never going to get to sleep tonight, been sleeping like a fat beast all weekend. And when I'm not sleeping, I'm eating and getting fatter and fatter by the minute. The diet definitely starts tomorrow. Or when all the food in the kitchen runs out.
Think I may go on a 'diet cherry coke and apples diet'. If I could lose half a stone that would be fuckin marvellous.
Ooh and as soon as my new "Pump It Up: The Ultimate Dance Workout" arrives I will be Kate Moss like - without the drugs and loser boyfriends. Ohhh its just dawned on me that the drugs and loser boyfriends are probably what keeps her skinny.
Dammit. I think I'll stick with my dance workout, hahaha anyone want to join me??
From what I can make out (damn the cars driving past drowning out the shouting!!) this one seems to be between a mother and son. Sounds as tho she was showing his pals her knickers in the pub.
I can see why he'd be upset.
Perhaps she's a prostitute (the sort Wayne Rooney has a thing for) and was having a slow Sunday night.
I am never going to get to sleep tonight, been sleeping like a fat beast all weekend. And when I'm not sleeping, I'm eating and getting fatter and fatter by the minute. The diet definitely starts tomorrow. Or when all the food in the kitchen runs out.
Think I may go on a 'diet cherry coke and apples diet'. If I could lose half a stone that would be fuckin marvellous.
Ooh and as soon as my new "Pump It Up: The Ultimate Dance Workout" arrives I will be Kate Moss like - without the drugs and loser boyfriends. Ohhh its just dawned on me that the drugs and loser boyfriends are probably what keeps her skinny.
Dammit. I think I'll stick with my dance workout, hahaha anyone want to join me??
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Wakey Wakeeeey!
OMG slept til the back of 11 today. I've been utterly knackered for the last few weeks so I guess its all catching up with me now.
Waitin on James coming over with £160 that he owes me....hmm what are my chances? Very slim methinks.
Waitin on James coming over with £160 that he owes me....hmm what are my chances? Very slim methinks.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Au Revoir
That's Bellend away I think.
Am all stocked up with cakes, pizzas, chocolates and ice cream.
Am all stocked up with cakes, pizzas, chocolates and ice cream.
McLarry
Yaaaay look what Gary just brought me (in a bottle, not a six pack!):
He is my Diet cherry coke angel. And Derek's working nights so its safe!
He is my Diet cherry coke angel. And Derek's working nights so its safe!
Is it just me?
Is it just me or is this not acceptable at all?
There's a guy in my work, lets call him Derek (cos that's his name). Now I am friendly with Derek, we have a laugh, swap emails, sneak out at lunch sometimes for a fly ciggy and a McFlurry etc., but one thing he does is really annoying me.
He keeps lifting my bottle of Cherry Diet Coke (which I truly love) off my desk and drinking right out the bottle!! And to make matters worse, he says he doesnt like Cherry Diet Coke!
So stop ruining mines then!!!!!!
Every time he does this I need to chuck the bottle out, I cannot drink it after he has wrapped his lips around it. Am traumatised, truly I am.
(God I just looked down at the size of my thighs in these trousers, am disgusted!)
There's a guy in my work, lets call him Derek (cos that's his name). Now I am friendly with Derek, we have a laugh, swap emails, sneak out at lunch sometimes for a fly ciggy and a McFlurry etc., but one thing he does is really annoying me.
He keeps lifting my bottle of Cherry Diet Coke (which I truly love) off my desk and drinking right out the bottle!! And to make matters worse, he says he doesnt like Cherry Diet Coke!
So stop ruining mines then!!!!!!
Every time he does this I need to chuck the bottle out, I cannot drink it after he has wrapped his lips around it. Am traumatised, truly I am.
(God I just looked down at the size of my thighs in these trousers, am disgusted!)
Even More P'd Off!!!
He just dropped off a bag of cookies, cos today's his last day.
Do you know something.....that makes everything alright.
Really, it does.
And how many times do I need to tell him I dont like biscuits!!!!
P'd Off!
How annoying is hayfever! I look seriously bad.....like when you get your photo taken and your eyes are red, 'cept mines are all swollen too. Coupled with the sneezing and sniffing I feel & look a million dollars.
Am dead sexy me.
Am dead sexy me.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Realisations
Do you know......I think it might finally finally be over. I really do!
Should we have a 'last time'? But that would be like the 19th 'last time'.
I wouldnt like to think that the last time was the actual last time though. It was fabby doo though so maybe I should leave that as the actual last time.
And it was 3 weeks ago (go me!). That's the longest time ever.
I think I should wait til he's back. He hasnt even left yet so I have a bit to wait.
And when he comes back his hols, I'm going to stop making him sandwiches too!
Eeeeejit.
Should we have a 'last time'? But that would be like the 19th 'last time'.
I wouldnt like to think that the last time was the actual last time though. It was fabby doo though so maybe I should leave that as the actual last time.
And it was 3 weeks ago (go me!). That's the longest time ever.
I think I should wait til he's back. He hasnt even left yet so I have a bit to wait.
And when he comes back his hols, I'm going to stop making him sandwiches too!
Eeeeejit.
Monday, July 03, 2006
Tut
Derek owes me 7 hours of my life back!
Omg. Am too tired to make my lunch for tomorrow now.
I think I am competing with Nikki for biggest whinger on the planet.
Kerry - I hope your bed came and it is lovely, will speak to you in 9.5 hours dude.
Omg. Am too tired to make my lunch for tomorrow now.
I think I am competing with Nikki for biggest whinger on the planet.
Kerry - I hope your bed came and it is lovely, will speak to you in 9.5 hours dude.
Ring a Bell?
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away - if he doesnt want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for his behaviour.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then no you cant "be friends". A friend wouldnt mistreat a friend.
Dont settle.
Dont stay because you think "it will get better". You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
You cannot change a man's behaviour. Change comes from within.
Dont EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or a better job.
Do not make him into a God. He is a man - nothing more, nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man (whoops!). If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are not dogs (prove it!!)
You should not be the one doing all the bending......compromise is a two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships....there is nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to complete you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals....look for someone complementary- - not supplementary.
Dating is fun, even if he doesnt turn out to be Mr Right.
Make him miss you sometimes, when a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted (and dont I know it!!!)
Stop making excuses for his behaviour.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then no you cant "be friends". A friend wouldnt mistreat a friend.
Dont settle.
Dont stay because you think "it will get better". You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
You cannot change a man's behaviour. Change comes from within.
Dont EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or a better job.
Do not make him into a God. He is a man - nothing more, nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man (whoops!). If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are not dogs (prove it!!)
You should not be the one doing all the bending......compromise is a two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships....there is nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to complete you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals....look for someone complementary- - not supplementary.
Dating is fun, even if he doesnt turn out to be Mr Right.
Make him miss you sometimes, when a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted (and dont I know it!!!)
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Just shoot me now
B: What you up to?
K: On couch. Spent £60 quid in Tesco. Mental
B: Aye that is mental
K: What you doin?
B: Cuttin the grass
K: Watch you dont hurt your back
B: Aye i will take it nice and slow.
Half hour later
K: Bring me pizza at 6pm
B: Am in pub now, sorry.
How has this lasted for 3 years? Is this what's its like to be old and married? Is it any wonder I never want to be old and married. Being old I can cope with.....but the above drivel? I think not.
OMG I swear to fuckin god there is a plane coming straight for my living room. Either that or a UFO. Please let it be a plane!!
Cheesy ball anyone....?
Cheesy balls smell like old feet.
I can still smell them but they're alllll the way over the side of the living room. Disgustin.
I've eaten enough to feed an army and its only half 4. I'm surrounded by cakes, sweets, crisps and nibbles, if I dont put it all out of sight I think I might be sick.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
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